Since 1983, US pennies have been minted in zinc as a cost-effective way of keeping the penny denomination in circulation. Ironically, we are at a point where even zinc pennies cost more to mint and circulate than they are actually worth. Only could the federal government be incompetent enough to find a way to actively lose money while printing it.

I fucking despise zinc pennies. I hate everything they represent between the government waste & the illusion of any intrinsic value. It is an insultingly flagrant display of the funny money clown world system that we are in. On top of that, they get exceptionally grody and will start corroding under the lightest of circumstances.

On the other hand, the honorable copper penny brings my utmost appreciation. On rare occasion, you will find some lingering on in circulation over 100 years after they were minted. The copper penny moves in silence, underappreciated. To the pleb, a copper penny is only worth a mere cent of spending power, but to the knowledgeable numismatist, the copper penny is an infinite money glitch waiting to happen.

You see, where the post-1982 zinc penny's precious metal value is sitting at about $0.00775, a pre-zinc penny's copper value is $0.02698. The reality of the situation is that some pennies are worth nearly 2.5 pennies, and that value is climbing. And while it is currently illegal to smelt them down for their metals, I hold out hope knowing one day the tides will shift and the laws will be changed.

Enter the infinite money glitch hiding in plain sight. It's simple really, all you have to do is hoard copper pennies. I accumulate them en masse by requesting $25 penny boxes from my local bank. Naturally, this will either annoy the hell out of the tellers or be quite charming to them. Sorting through the pennies is a great way to kill an hour or two, and the potential is there to find some real rarities.

But here's the problem, you get left with a shit ton of zinc pennies. According to my calculations, your average box of pennies from the bank will only contain roughly 13% copper pennies, leaving you with 2175 zinc pennies. While I have previously detailed a way to easily convert this loose change back into useful spending cash on my website, I would instead like to take this moment and finally highlight my "shedding ritual."

To partake in this ritual, one must drink heavily in a group at night when the outside world is back indoors. It doesn't matter what you drink so long as you get fucked up. You then take the zinc pennies, perhaps 1000 divided amongst a group of 4 people, and proceed to a parking lot or go on a walk. Once situated, you can officially partake in a penny fight. Where I live, we don't get snow, we don't have the chance to pelt each other with snowballs, so pennies will have to suffice. 250 zinc pennies each will last a surprisingly decent amount of time, even if you are taking handfuls and shotgun blasting people. It's a very small price to pay for hooligan entertainment. And the best part, it leaves a major mark on the area you wage war in. 1000 pennies, spread out in a small area, can effectively coat the ground. Don't worry about picking them up, these pennies are for the streets, and you'll be surprised how quickly they all get scooped up by others over time. I can only imagine how confused the aftermath must have people, but I imagine they are quite thrilled to pick up a few cents.

If anyone knows how I can write this off as a charitable contribution on my taxes, please don't hesitate to DM me.